I broke a promise
I left you
on the ledge
you brought your trauma
I turned
and then I fled


and it may have
not been the bravest thing
and it may have
not been the strongest thing
but it seems to have been
the smarter thing
to do

I betrayed a trust
I left her
on the bed
you cried your honest
tears I lied
and then I sped away

and it may have
not been the bravest thing
and it may have
not been the strongest thing
you maybe
might think less of me
if you knew

I was dishonest
I told you
I wasn't on the edge
you let your guard down
I tore you down to shreds

and it may have
not been the nicest thing
and it may have been
quite a selfish thing
but I didn't say that
I would do anything
less

You fell into a rut
Your spring had been sprung
Your clocks all run down
Feet keep flailing around
As you’re trying to run

And the stark messy sky
in your kaleidoscope mind
Keeps on whirling away
A dervish a day
And you wonder why

The sun won’t come up
The teardrops won’t come
The stars won’t go down
But they huddle around
Asking you for the time

A future commandeered
A feeling cantilevered
Until it wears out
Until it falls down
We all come around
We’re stuck in this town

We can’t escape
To a time or place
Where I can’t see your face
And you can’t see mine

think it's about that time
that I be leaving her
seems I've crossed a line
that we didn't even know was there
I can't forget her eyes
and that makes you sad
I can't pretend I'm wise
why won't it all go away
when I'm sitting on the shore
looking out all the waves
part of me tries to jump in
and part of me walks away
I think I should go back home
if only i knew
where that would be where it would lead
if only I had a clue
I could go line by line
but, they're all recited by you
if i could buy more time
if i could make it work
don't you think that I
would have tried that first
if you meet me at the shore
could you teach me how to breathe
when all around me is the water
and the sand on my feet
would you leave me at the beach
to go back to your depths
would you have me standing here
contemplating little else

draft for kevin

First verse:


I don't want to lose myself in you
I can't stand it, I've got too much to lose
waiting on a resolution
fixing for a new condition
I can't make myself let go of you

second verse:

tornado turning round inside my head
all I think, all I feel, all seems like lead
when did things get so tired
why'd I turn into a liar
Couldn't just keep things in the end

chorus?

and the waiting is the hardest part
next to your smiles
the waiting is the saddest part
makes me want to

tear right into you
leave you drown
break right through to you
spin you round
can't do that to you
wouldn't be fair
even though you
left me there

For Amber

He doesn't think
about the damage as
he wraps
constellations
round your head
not thinking about
the gravity
of the situation
you can't go round
with your head full
of stars and tears
and the playing of
endless games
he just is out
for a look round
a trip down
from Alpha Centauri
and back
relatively speaking
an orbital visitor
waiting for collision

I reclaimed
in a dream
a time lost memory
of the smile
you gave
when you first surrounded me
warm and wet
like June rain
the sparkle
when our eyes met
you laughed and said
Why, hello.
I smirked and managed
a reply.
You shifted your hips
sighed out Oh.
and I think that's
when I lost my mind

The simple curve
of bodies twined
the simple times
we left behind
we made love
underneath the bridge
not caring
for anything but this
we rushed along
so unaware
of consequence
in the midnight air
I smoked a cigarette
you laughed once more
we didn't contemplate
evening the score
the daylight came
washed away our years
the daylight came
birds trilled a melody
we our fears
behind us
we realized
what love was
how insubstantially
small we seem
looking back now
from memory
I wonder where you are
where you sleep tonight
the things you think of
before out go the lights
do you think
of the way we were
of the bridge
and the morning birds

It has been too long

I'm perplexed by the feeling of bitterness
on the eve of seeing you tomorrow
it has been too long since I've seen you
since before she died
I am afraid
that I will see the afterimages of her in your face
that I will lose my composure
which is odd since of us all
you look the least like how she looked
I am afraid
to see you tomorrow
yet happy
it has been too long
too too long since we have been brothers
instead of time lost strangers
I am so glad to know you will be near
and sad that I will not be alone anymore

Paper Flowers

Coming home and coming round

from a fugue

i’m awakened from a reverie

covered in blanket mummification

constricted by the weight

of ocean

of reptile death

of family

covered like the humidity

that comes off your body

pressed against me

your kiss too hard for breath

i remember summers and swimming

lovemaking beneath god and man

the old town center and holding hands

crushed by the weight of calendar pages

pressed to paper flower thickness

i recall our last times sweetly

bitterly

hardly at all

In which I pontificate

So, I haven't posted anything here for approximately five thousand years, mostly because I've been dreadful busy with school, working a full time job and a bunch of other excuses. That said I'm thinking about taking some of the stuff here and some of the private stuff and putting it in a book for sale. Also, there will be more posts in the future. You have been warned. You know who you are and why you needed warning in the first place.

Why you looking down lovely
is it cause it hurts to look up at the sky
with the sunlight so bright
the colors so vibrant
the sky so vast and vacant
or cause the world below is of
much more interest
can I walk and look with you at the ground
will you show me why it seems we can't connect
is it cause my feet aren't touching the ground
my head in the clouds
I can't focus on the blades of grass
or the mounds of dirt
maybe we can meet at the horizon
if we just keep walking

I have not seen the colour of your eyes

I have not seen the colour of your eyes
too long it has been
yet everyday I see your picture
on the screen of the window
to the world
too long
I have not heard your voice
but I speak to you everyday
on the screen that connects us all
so long has it been since I felt your touch
or your breath upon my neck
but it seems only a matter of time
until technology fixes that too

Funny how it's worked out
that you and I have become comfortable
with this arrangement
of toying and teasing each other
in person and long distance
how I send you words about your
elegance and desirability
and you send me images of your flesh
and mementos of our nights
I wonder if you save these words
like I save the memories they're built on
I wonder if you wore that skirt for me
and then you bite your lip and I know
you do and did.

I am so very aware of the curve
of your hips
as I have them in my hands
with them I find it very easy to signal
how and when I would like you to move
and you too have become adept
at communicating through them
as you're quite too busy
with your mouth to be bothered

I wish you were here to pass the lamentable weekend
days and nights pass in succession
out of discussions
out of orange juice in the fridge
go to the store and meander the aisle
wide enough for one but not for two holding hands
walking carefully on the light colored squares
passing the piles of frozen poultries
turning the corner I see that her ass looks like yours
making me flee for the comfort of home

Let me tell you bout a girl I know
how her smile reflects in her eyes
about her lips and her hips and her thighs
how she could blow your mind
how she could make it
worth your time
how she seems to know
just where you want to go
how to get from a to b
and everywhere in between
let me tell you bout the things she does
how she'll tease you while you eat
oh and the things she does with her teeth
how I can't get her out of my head
how I can't wait til she's back in bed
and oh the things she says to me
how her smell is in my sheets
and fingertips on my cheeks

my favorite time to look in your eyes
is when I'm between your thighs
mouth on your mound lips to lips
your adoration shines right through
and the way your lids flutter
when I languidly lap at your
lovely little button
sends shivers down my spine
how you tangle your hands in my hair
pushing up and down from both sides
I can feel you looking down at me
in pleasure and wonder and joy
leaving yourself on my chin and sheets

What is the half life on longing
the statute of limitations on love
the length of time before
I can move the fuck on
what is the depth of depression
the time you have to wait
for the sound the pebble makes
after it's been thrown down the well
why are we always falling and late
chasing after rabbits
in hats with pocketwatches
who sets the time frame for this
or that
and what are you doing
why are you still around
orbiting silently
like a ghost or whisper
just out of earshot

Audacity must have compelled me to think
that the blue white shine of newness would last
that the days of talking til dawn would prevail
when time and logic dictated otherwise
but when have I had time for logic
I wrote you letters that I never sent
thoughts trapped in amber by fear
destroyed in the stasis of notebooks left behind
aborted attempts at ambitious adulation
how could I have thought that we were anything
other than two people
circling the heavens like constellations
Orion and Cassiopeia trapped forever
in twilight dances and midnight remonstrations

The crashing waves of yesteryear

The crashing waves of yesteryear
break upon the reefs of the present
and we sit on the beach watching them
counting the seagulls
picking our thoughts from the foam
throwing them back from the beachhead
watching them skim against the sunset
paper airplanes against a fire sky
and we sit back down and watch
as night falls and the tide
takes with it our memories